To find peace, I sought chaos.
A place so crowded, noise is all I hear.
Amidst a sea of people, I sit unattached.
I close my eyes and plug in, look up to find a world more euphonious.
The man trying to sell tea, now seems more chirpy, moving to the beats I hear.
The waves of the sea too, now matching the ripples in my head.
While I enjoy the solitude I found, I see another like me.
Engrossed much more, he was in a daze.
Unlike me, he didn’t quite seek quiet.
He sought inspiration to take him away from the throng.
Plugged in as well, he seemed so calm but the second toe of his left foot couldn’t contain it.
It wanted to break free and dance to the cadence.
Overtly, he and I looked the same, doing the same.
But here I found music in others while he found it in himself.
Someone once told me I have the darkest eyes, that look so dense like there is a cave on the other side. Not even light can pass into them. Secrets can hide very well behind them, so many things to reveal.
Then there was another, who said my eyes were how he noticed me in a crowd, pale like a ghost’s. Empty as if there is nothing to read, nothing to know and even look through.
All I can think of at times is who do I believe? Were any of them true?
Are my eyes really a window to my soul or a mirror to yours?
We’re only finite humans with measured destinies;
looking for something to fill in the breaches.
A great big world and we find solace in people.
You said when you saw me, you knew.
You knew my eyes couldn’t contain my soul.
It wasn’t for everyone you were the only peculiar one, took the time to count all my facades.
When I was smiling at the world, you sat back collecting the shattered pieces of me.
And when I came home I proudly showed you the cracks in my armour.
You ran your hands over them, mending the ones inside.
In between your arms I felt the galaxy kissing me.
Watching him sleep, I feel him breathing.
I couldn’t put a finger on when I fell back into dreaming.
He is the ‘Stairway to Heaven’ of songs. Grows on you with time, not at once.
Not the one you’ll love at first sight, someone you remember in your serenity.
Think of him in the depths of my despair, not all had sanity.
Eluding your flaws, I couldn’t see past the fog.
Even after cutting through the layers, I still saw brick walls.
But the recklessness bit into my daze and woke me up.
Months after and I’m still stuck with only the memory of you.
Always been alone, always stayed content.
But never did I foresee, my mind could have such a dent.
Why do I feel the walls closing in on me?
Is there anyone, anyone who can hear me?
Always been the listener, always the quiet one. Did anyone try?
To read between the lines?
The muddle comes up when I stop hearing, when I stop trying.
When I feel alone even amongst all these eyes.
Doesn’t matter, I’ll just head back. Where, do you ask?
Somewhere I can be whole again and drop this silent mask.
Brightest in the room, I saw his face.
Darkest orbs of all, deeper than the daze.
He being the morning, his eyes were midnight.
I could tell, they’d been through some tough times.
But when those eyes landed on me, they managed to bring out the sunshine in me.
The soul that had shone only at night, fluttered out in the sky.
Through the roof went the inhibitions, laughter was the new limitation.
Nocturnal, both of us, had only known gloom.
Only with each other, the hues inside could bloom.
I fell in love with the dark, the day it befriended me.
It saw through me, a person I wanted to be.
Something I truly was but couldn’t really show,
Something I hid from the day, I couldn’t put forth.
The night, a mirror, reflecting my fears.
The night, deep, introspecting my beliefs.
The dark, my friend, sitting by me through pain.
My lover, kissing away the same.
Graceful, intriguing, everything you are, became my motivation.
More than a fellow-traveler, now you are my inspiration.
A slit in time is all it takes
To catch a breath out of this place.
I might not even shed a tear,
When choosing to leave or just stay here.
Will I ever come to peace,
with my life of such good ease.
The sun sets again, another day is gone,
I’ll reach out when I know the path I’m on.
These twisted turns of my own thoughts,
makes my stomach churn into knots.
And if I walk through these veins of mine,
a street abandoned will it be or a hopeful vine?
Silence. Piercing silence, beautiful and terrifying all at once.
Peaceful as much to hear myself think. Eerie too, when I listen to the thoughts.
I see a hole in this wall in the backyard, I grew up in.
Coming about around flowers, I knew nothing of the dead weed on the other side of the wall.
Peeking, I see nothing but a long, empty road. So bare, I can run and not crash, for once.
So used to breaking things when I tried to run too fast, I wander off into fantasies.
The desolate street outside, queer why I fancy it unlike everything on this side.
I climb one day and fall right onto the weed.
The bruises and scrapes only assure me of my capability of hurt.
I walked and walked ahead but stop and turn around to see the wall.
The trees on that side now turning brown, the leaves started to fall off.
The ground beneath my feet started to bear greens.
Twinkling, I walk into the sunset, certain of all my might for the very first time.